Movie Night at Ed's
by Flywheel Shyster and Flywheel
Summary: Ed wanted something independent, Edd wanted something with historic value and Eddy wanted something that showed a little skin. Strangely enough, they managed to agree on two movies in the end, with mixed reactions.


_Seven hours ago_

"I can't believe you talked me into this, Eddy."

"It's a damn compromise, Sockhead! I get something, Ed gets something-"

"I get intoxicated so I will be able to bear what it is the two of you are getting."

"I didn't hear a single thing wrong with that. Ed?"

"Sounds pretty good to me!"

"See?"

"I still have my fair share of reservations about it."

"Yep, and we booked you for the best seat in the house for extra-"

"Don't say it! Don't you dare say it, Eddy!"

"Alright, alright; don't get your sock in a knot now, Sockhead. Ed, popcorn?"

"Right here, Eddy."

"Jawbreakers?"

"Locked and loaded."

"Beers?"

"In the cooler next to you, Eddy."

"Mr. Crankypants' wine?"

"I resent being called that."

"In the ice bucket!"

"Alrighty, boys; let's watch us some movies!"

 _Six hours, fifty-five minutes ago_

"Hooooly shit, that was fast."

"Yep, sure didn't bother with a plot back in the day."

"I am watching this... Why?"

"For extra-"

"Please don't."

 _Six hours ago_

"Alright, last scene in the movie; this is a good one!"

"Already? Wow, doesn't time just fly?"

"Indubitably."

"Come on, Sockhead; you gotta admit that- Jesus, did you finish this?!"

"Oh, you expect me to be entertained solely by this _cinematic masterpiece_?"

"Ed, did you see this?! Sockhead downed the whole bottle of wine!"

"Bottle of wine, coming right up!"

"No, Lumpy, I meant-"

"Best bring two, Ed; we do have a remake to get through after this dreary thing."

 _Five hours, forty minutes ago_

"I always was a sucker for a happy ending."

"You're always a sucker, Ed."

"You're the sucker, Eddy."

"What was that, Ed?"

"Nothing."

"I thought so."

"Cease your infernal banter and prepare the stage for the inevitable mediocrity that this next piece will surely stain our lives with."

"What?"

"Essentially, the message I am trying to convey, you one-cell minded organism, is: Shut up and put the movie on."

"... Anyone ever tell you you're a mean drunk, Sockhe-"

"Your mom. Put on the movie."

 _Five hours, thirty-seven minutes ago_

"Damn, that was quicker than the last time!"

"They included a lot more in this one, Eddy; they gotta use the time just right!"

"I loathe it already."

"I'm getting real sick of your vibe there, Double-D."

"Don't make me loathe you too."

"Are-"

"I'll do it; I'll loathe the living daylights out of you."

" _He's not saying 'love', right, Ed?_ "

" _I think it's 'loathe', like 'hate' or something._ "

"You will cease speaking during the showing or we can have it out in the lobby!"

 _Four hours, forty-nine minutes ago_

"Yo, Double-D?"

" _What?_ "

"Nothing, you just haven't said anything for a while."

"I'm _trying_ to watch this _mindless drivel_ that the the two of _you_ decided that _we_ should-"

"Alright, alright; geez."

 _Four hours, forty-eight minutes ago_

"Ed."

"Yes, Double-D?"

"Kindly remove the alcohol from my person; I feel I may have overindulged."

"Okey-dokey!"

"What the- _You didn't finish two bottles already, did you?!_ "

"I am many things but a bottomless chalice is not one; I merely served myself a quarter of the first bottle. Kindly hold on to this one."

"Ed, hide this; ain't opened yet."

"Consider it hidden!"

"Doesn't it make the movie better though?"

"No, Eddy; it does not."

 _Three hours, fifty-two minutes ago_

"What'd you think, Eddy?"

"Special effects were definitely better, I'll give you that. It just felt, I don't know, cleaner in a way?"

"That's probably because there's a shower scene in the middle."

"Probably, Ed. Hey, Sockhead, what'd you- You still alive?"

"Let my eyes rest for a moment, dear comrades, and all will be well."

"So... You're dying?"

"If so, I fear that my time left, however brief, shall not be without grief if I am not allowed a moment of peace."

"You wanna sleep, Double-D?"

"A kind soul, though amber in skin, hears the broken man's despair to which he can but bow before such gentleness. Hush now, and tread lightly; dangerous paths lie ahead."

"... What?"

"Get out and let me sleep."

"Fine, _Sleeping Beauty_ ; we'll be in Ed's room playing video games if you need us."

 _Now_

"Have I died yet?" Ed's thumb instinctively pressed pause and both he and Eddy looked up from the television at the surprising sound of a raspy voice. Neither tried to contain the guttural laughs that escaped them upon seeing a haphazardly looking Double-D press himself firmly against the frame of the door, clinging onto it like it was the only thing stopping him from hitting the floor face first.

"Probably came really close; I've never seen anybody drink like that!" Eddy threw another look at his disoriented friend and an even bigger laugh followed as a result.

"It might have had something to do with the in-flight entertainment." Double-D groaned and stumbled into the room, narrowly missing to trip over his own feet and the carpet in making his way to his designated sleeping area. "The cover lied; it didn't grant my life any extra enjoyment."

"How do you feel, Double-D?" Ed took this brief intermission in their gaming session to reach for another beer. Having cracked it open, he tried to move it up to his lips but instead found it snatched out of his hand by his bumbling guest.

"Hair of the dog. If it even brings temporary relief, it works." Double-D threw out his arm, as if to underline his point to any doubters, and then threw his head back as he took a big gulp of the beer.

"You sure you should be drinking, Sockhead?" Catching the can Ed threw to him, Eddy peered back from his seat in the armchair at Double-D who slumped down on the air mattress, a hint of worry breaking through his schadenfreude.

"No." Contrary wise, Double-D took another drink. "But Ed's room is at the very least closer to a lavatory."

"Fair enough." A few seconds passed where two of the three silently enjoyed the fact that their fallen comrade had arisen from his alcohol-induced slumber and one of the three wondered if he had left parts of himself on the couch upstairs.

"Question." Double-D stated, paused for a moment to drink, and glared up at the other two. "Who in their right mind would deem it a good idea to choose two pornographic pieces for a friendly movie night?" Pause.

"Eddy."

"Hey!" The accused frowned at his accuser, Ed. "I said I just wanted to see some skin! You picked the damn movie!"

"I said I wanted to see something independent!"

"An independent movie with nudity; what could that possibly be describing?" Double-D said through a yawn, rubbing his bloodshot eyes.

"Like you're one to talk, Mr. I-Want-Historical-Value!" Eddy threw a finger in Double-D's direction.

"I told you, I would have been fine with a straight adaptation of 'The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test'; it was quite the fascinating read."

"Well... It was straight." Ed snickered.

"Straight, as in directly taken from the book. Not something ridiculously called 'The Erotic Cooch-Aid Acid Tits' with a 40 minute gratuitous orgy scene with a shifting color spectrum in the middle of it all!" Double-D shot back.

"Kinda glad they didn't include that in the remake." Eddy said thoughtfully. "Felt like the whole movie just sorta stopped."

"Of course it did, that's what happens when you watch pornography _for the story!_ " Double-D exclaimed angrily and considered briefly whether or not his equilibrium could coordinate with his arm enough to throw the can in his hand at Eddy's head.

"Aight, yeah, point taken." Eddy switched positions and reclined against the armrest. "Anybody else think it was kinda weird to watch?"

"Little bit." Ed said.

"The wine barely helped." Double-D moaned and lied down. "Oh, what became of me? Here I am, a broken man intoxicated beyond belief at two-something in the morning. I could have been working on the Physics paper due next week but instead I chose to watch pornography with my friends."

"Reasons I didn't get into college for 500, Alex." Ed chuckled to himself.

"Eh, I think nights like these are needed." Eddy mused. His mouth stretched out into a wide grin and he adopted a nasal, teasing tone in his voice. "' _Needed? NEEDED?! Eddy, how in the human world would I ever NEED a night like this?!_ '"

"Uncanny impression, but a valid question nonetheless." Double-D deadpanned from his misery on the mattress.

"Come on, which night d'you think you'll remember in ten years; the one where you spent slaving over yet another paper or the one where you got hella drunk and watched B-pornos with your pals?" Eddy turned his head and grinned cunningly; judging by the silence that followed from Double-D, his point had hit home.

"... Valid reasoning."

"No one said that the nights to remember need to be good ones." Ed chipped in. "Just think about the summer we were 12."

"Lumpy's right. Longest fucking summer of our lives and there sure weren't a lot of happy endings to those adventures." Eddy said, nodding knowingly.

"I still can't venture out to fetch the mail without sunscreen." The corner of Double-D's mouth shot up slightly at a memory of sunburns and beach hijinks.

"That grey monster costume's still in my closet." Ed laughed shortly before frowning. "Don't think I ever cleaned it proper though."

"That's just nasty, Ed." Eddy's lip curved in disgust. "I'm just happy you gave up trying to learn that damn violin."

"So did Mom." Ed sighed, remembering how his second violin had met its untimely end after his aunt had sat on it during Sarah's fourteenth birthday party. He had to admit that it in that moment probably made more music than it ever would have in his hands.

"All right, I see your point, gentlemen." Double-D held up his hands weakly in defeat. "Can we just agree that we choose something a little less... Monotonous in viewing next time?"

"Not me against." Ed took a swig of his beer. "In and out and then in again gets really old after a while."

"Definitely." Eddy snickered and swung himself up into an upright position. Leaning down, he scooped up a spare controller which he held out over the armchair's back. "Yo, Sockhead, wanna join us in a quest of bringing peace to distraught masses?"

"I could certainly make an attempt." Double-D grunted as he threw his legs over the edge of the mattress. He stayed in that position, swaying slightly with his dark gaze fixed firmly on a spot of floor in front of him, and said nothing.

"Double-D?" Ed glanced worriedly at his friend whose face contorted into a grimace of displeasure.

Eddy threw a quick look over his shoulder before rolling his eyes; seemed like he and Ed would have to continue the fight alone. "Can, now; I ain't sleeping in here if you're gonna yak."

"Good-" A burp was the only signal he needed and Double-D quickly stood up to stumble over to the bathroom. "Good idea."

"Have fun in there now!" Eddy finished his cheery comment just as the door slammed shut. Turning to Ed with a lopsided smirk, he motioned to the remote. "Crank up the volume, this probably ain't gonna be pretty to listen to."

"Hope he's alright; I just cleaned in there." Ed's casual comment granted him a look of disbelief from his shorter friend.

"... You cleaned? You cleaned your bathroom?"

"Yeah, like a month or three ago."

"Oh. Aight." With that, Eddy unpaused the game while Ed increased the volume, the two of them hollering loudly over gunfire and explosions as their virtual adventure continued.

"I will never drink again. Or watch pornography. Or drink while watching pornography." Once Double-D rejoined them, looking a lot healthier after a brief sanitation of the bathtub and a quick shower, the three of them carried on into the wee hours of the morning to craft the memory of a strange night they sure wouldn't forget anytime soon.

* * *

 **I recently discovered that I was very close to have published 300,000 words on this site, something I never would have dreamed of when I started way too long ago. So I just felt that I should somehow, I don't know, celebrate that. I know it's not that big of a number, especially compared to the gargantuan monsters of stories some have written on here, but with the track record of uploading I have it's a miracle I even got this far.**

 **This was initially going to be something to criticize stories with little to zero amount of plot and large amounts of erotic content, but I quickly realized that I'd rather just make a silly little scenario where the Eds wind down in the middle of their last year of high school. It felt nicer, you know, and it's been a while since I wrote something small, friendship focused and slice-of-life-ish.**

 **Of course, it's debatable how Ed and Eddy could even convince Double-D to watch porn with them in the first place but let's just say that he had a glass or two with dinner to loosen his judgement. And yes, Double-D definitely turns into Shakespeare reading Britannica when he's over the top drunk.**

 **300,000 words, most of them nonsense. In that spirit, I will of course continue.**

 **Talley-ho!**


End file.
